


I can't heal your body, but I can heal your heart

by SJ_Sixx



Series: Chronic Illness Readers [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky is a sweetheart, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Ex boyfriends are douches, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Protective Bucky Barnes, Tony Being Tony, all da meds, fibromyalgia, random singing, reader is stubborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:11:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11024505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJ_Sixx/pseuds/SJ_Sixx
Summary: When the reader has her heart broken into pieces because of her chronic illness, a certain super solider helps put it back together again.





	I can't heal your body, but I can heal your heart

**Author's Note:**

> Beware the fluff and swearing.
> 
> So I wrote this shortly after my ex actually did end it with me - he couldn't cope with my chronic illness and he didn't want to be a career. So I wrote this to feel a little better, and remind others that just because you have a chronic illness, it doesn't mean you can't find love. It will just take a little time.

"He dumped you... cause he couldn't handle the illness?"  
  
Nat looked at me as I flicked the cigarette ash into the ash-tray.  
  
"Pretty much," I mumbled, taking another drawl, "he couldn't adapt to it, to the meds, the appointments, the pain and fatigue and he didn't want to become a career."  
  
"What, a knob head." She sighed, taking a sip of wine.  
  
We were sat on Tony's balcony, waiting for the pizza to arrive. After I had returned to the tower, red eyed and cheeks fresh with tears, Nat had dragged me to the balcony and told Tony to order Pizza in whilst she extracted the truth from me.  
  
"I guess..." I sighed.  
  
"Don't tell me you miss him? He's not worth the time of day." She dismissed.  
  
"No, it not that - it just opened my eyes. Who does want to date a girl with so many things wrong with her?" I sighed, looking over the city.  
  
A sharp pain shot through my spinal column and it was then I realised I had yet to take my evening meds.  
  
"Shit," I cursed, unfurling myself from where I was curled in chair, and grabbing my walking stick.  
  
"Med time?"  
  
"Yah."  
  
"C'mon then - pizza wont be too far off anyway."  
  
As we walked in, a tall figure made his way over, holding my med box.  
  
"Cheers Bucky,"  
  
"No problem," the ex-assassin watched carefully as I took the meds to make sure I didn't choke on any - something I would do - before handing me the glass of water to wash them all down with, "you're running low on Co-Codamaol and Naproxen though."  
  
"Bollocks. How am I doing for the antacids?"  
  
"Low as well, but that goes hand in the hand with the Naproxen. You've got loads of Vitamin D, C and Iron though."  
  
I nodded, before wincing slightly as a dull ache thundered through my right knee and calf.  
  
"You ok?"  
  
"Knee again."  
  
"C'mere," His arms round me, I was swept off my feet and over to the sofa, where he placed a pillow behind me and pulled my right leg into his lap, massaging the calf and rubbing the knee - his metal hand worked wonders on the deep aches.  
  
"PIZZA!"  
  
Thor and Tony chose at that moment to burst in with the pizza, and Bucky sighed, letting my leg go so we could eat.  
  
As I chewed on a slice of four cheese, feeling a set of eyes watch me. Looking up, I saw it was not Bucky, who had his head in a box of pepperoni pizza, but Tony.  
  
"So, what was with the water works earlier?" He asked.  
  
Bucky pulled his head out at this point, watching hawk-eyed.  
  
"Matt broke up with me." I sighed, ripping the stuffed crust in half and chewing on the cheese.  
  
"Shit, sorry, kiddo - any reason why or could he just not handle your awesomeness?"  
  
"Couldn't cope with the Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia - didn't fancy the idea of becoming a career and couldn't adapt to the meds and stuff." I shrugged, trying to halt the building tears.  
  
From next to me, a hand rested on my knee, squeezing reassuringly, and I smiled at Bruce - he might not have been good with words, but I knew how much that small gesture meant.  
  
"He is not deserving of you!" Thor proclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, that is a dick move." Agreed Clint.  
  
"Not even Tony would do something like that," commented Pietro.  
  
"I actually agree with him for once," Stark shrugged.  
  
"It will get better," Wanda soothed, grasping my hand.  
  
"Bucky?"  
  
Everyone turned to look at Steve's word at the man who was sitting there.  
  
"He broke up with you, because of your condition?" The man said, slowly and with a voice laced with anger.  
  
"Bucky..." I reached over and grasped his hand, and he held it tight.  
  
"H-How, I don't, how could he..." Furious splutters were emerging from him, and we could all see the rage in his eyes.  
  
"Neither do we, but it's over, it's done. Let's just enjoy our pizza, m'kay?" I soothed.  
  
The clouded anger cleared and he nodded, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.  
  
  
That night, I lay in bed, staring at the dark ceiling, the silence closing round me, every noise echoed to its full volume. Normally, I would be texting him into the wee hours in the morning, but my phone lay there, silent as ever. It was a sobering moment, and one that sent tears streaming once again from my eyes and suffocating sobs through the room.  
  
I picked it up - not sure why - and looked at the time.  
  
00:27.  
  
I sighed and went to put it back down, when it buzzed in my hand, indicating a message.  
  
I opened it up, and a small, melancholy smile appeared on my lips.  
  
_'He is not worth the tears. Get some rest, m'kay? - Bucky'_  
  
I looked to the wall to me left, where I knew his room to be and whispered into the darkness, "thank you."  
  
  
**~*Time skip brought to you by the Mark XII suit*~**  
  
  
"SHOUT OUT TO MY EX, YOU'RE REALLY QUITE THE MESS! YOU MADE MY HEART BREAK AND THAT MADE ME WHO I AM!"  
  
"Nice to know you're back to normal," Nat smiled, rolling her eyes as I pranced into the room, twirling my walking stick like a baton.  
  
"Not your usual style of music?" Asked Tony.  
  
"Oh leave her be, Stark, she's happy." Dismissed Steve.  
  
"HERE'S TO MY EX, HEY LOOK AT ME NOW! WELL I'M ALL THE WAY UP, I SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER BRING ME DOWN!"  
  
It had been a week since the break up - I had my 48 working hours of crying and moping, and was now onto Stage 2 of Breaking Up; being over his sorry ass.  
  
"Hey, rising star, med time."  
  
I turned to see Bucky with the box, waving it in my face.  
  
"Oh, is it that time already?"  
  
"Yeah." He watched as I took them out and swallowed them with the coffee he had brought me.  
  
_"Mr Stark, your 6 o'clock interview is here."_  
  
I jumped a little as FRIDAY echoed in the room, and Tony got up.  
  
"Let's get this over with so I can start drinking. FRIDAY, files?"  
  
_"Already loaded into Meeting Room One."_  
  
"Good."  
  
"I wanna see who it is!" I rushed after Stark and down the stairs, before tripping over and falling over.  
  
"Is this the real reason you need a stick? Cause you're so clumsy you trip down stairs?" Tony asked, bemused.  
  
"I'm just falling for ya, Tony."  
  
"Did anyone inform Pepper of that?"  
  
"Sorry, forgot to submit the paperwork on time."  
  
"Gosh darn it, why do I keep you around?"  
  
"Cauuuseeee - I'm cute?"  
  
"Not for me to decide on that one."  
  
"What did we tell you about running?" A third voice joined in, and a metal arm wrapped tenderly round my waist, Bucky picking me up.  
  
"Errr, nothing?" I replied.  
  
"No running yet, you're not strong enough, and now you've probably done yourself more harm." Bucky scolded lightly.  
  
"Oh no, nope, nope, not doing this, no way!"  
  
We both looked to where Tony had walked into the meeting room, before he stormed out.  
  
"Not having him, nu-uh, not today Satan"  
  
A figure followed him and my breath got stuck in my throat.  
  
Matt had just followed him out the room.  
  
"Doll?"  
  
Bucky looked from me, to Matt, before the dots connecting in his head.  
  
"Bucky, don't..."  
  
I couldn't stop him - he had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him to face level. Matt was tall, but Bucky was taller.  
  
"You..." he snarled.  
  
"Bucky!" I grasped Bucky's arm, trying to tug him away.  
  
His hand on Matt's collar loosened, and he dropped the boy, who look visibly shook.  
  
"Get out," Bucky snarled, before turning round, hands on my shoulders, "you ok, doll?"  
  
I nodded, determinedly avoiding Matt's look and staring straight at Bucky.  
  
"Come on," his arm round my waist to support me, he helped me from the room and up the stairs.  
  
"FRIDAY, have someone see the jerk out." Tony said as he followed us.  
  
Bucky had deposited me on the sofa by this point, and was crouched in front of me, hands on my shoulders.  
  
"Baby doll? Breath for me, baby girl, breath." He was urging.  
  
My breath was in shuddered, jagged gasps. Bucky was still for a second, before he wrapped his arms round me, enveloping me in a tight hug. I burrowed my face into his shirt, feeling his hand rub my back whilst he planted kisses on my head.  
  
"It's ok, baby, I got ya, I'm here," he murmured, picking me up to collapse onto the sofa, holding me tight on his lap whilst he rocked me slightly.  
  
"B-Bucky..." I whimpered, grasping at the cotton of his t-shirt.  
  
"That's right, it's me, I've got you, I'm holding on, I'm not letting you go..." he reassured me.  
  
I felt the stress and tension leave my body and I became limp against him, letting his rocking and words lull me, feeling the energy leave me like someone had just pulled the plug.  
  
"Baby doll?"  
  
"Yeah?" I mumbled.  
  
"C'mon, let's get you to bed..."  
  
He was carrying me now, out of the room, down the hallway to the bedrooms. But instead of going to my own, he stopped short, outside his own.

Opening his door, he moved in, depositing me on his bed, and cupping my face.  
  
"You ok, doll?" He breathed.  
  
I nodded, only then noticing how the stubble on his face gave him a scruffy attractive look.  
  
"You're staying here. I'm not having you go to your room all alone. You can sleep in an old shirt of mine. You need your bed time meds though..."  
  
He let me go and found an old shirt in a draw, giving it to me.  
  
"Put this on. I'll be right back with your medication. We'll watch a movie, 'kay? I'll get us some take-away." He soothed, kissing me on the forehead.  
  
He left and I changed into his shirt, only then noticing how his scent lulled me and calmed my nerves.  
  
He was back in a few moments, holding my bed time meds and a glass of water. He sat next to me, helping me to take them - I only then noticed how firm and large his hands were around my own, how supportive.  
  
"C'mon, baby girl..." my heart gave a suddenly noticed flutter as he called me that.  
  
He pulled the covers back and helped me in, before picking a film and putting on. He left the room, before coming back, changing himself and climbing into bed next to me.

"The food will be here soon," he soothed.

It was only then I noticed how he drew me close like he was afraid to loose me...  
  
...and I realised how afraid I was to loose him.  
  
  
**~*Next Morning*~**  
  
  
I awoke to an empty bed, and sat up in alarm, wincing as pain shot through every muscle known to my body.  
  
"Bucky?" I croaked.  
  
The door opened and Bucky came in - how had I not noticed before how hot his bed head was.  
  
"Morning doll. You sleep ok?" He asked, climbing back under the covers with me.  
  
I nodded, before visibly reacting to my aching back and hips.  
  
"Baby doll?! Is it your pain? Have we got a flare up?"  
  
I nodded, collapsing back into his bed.  
  
He sighed, brushing my hair from my face.  
  
"Oh darlin'... c'mon, you know the drill."  
  
I sighed, watching as he got out of bed to fetch my flare up pants as we called them - they were merely just jogging bottoms - and came back to help me dress myself.  
  
"Arms up."  
  
I reached up and he scooped me from the bed, carrying me into the main room and putting me on the sofa.  
  
"Uh-oh, the flare up pants are on. Time to fetch the ice-cream." Tony commented as he walked past.  
  
Bucky shot him a look as he brought my meds over and some coffee. He helped me take them, before pulling me into him as he collapsed back on the sofa, rubbing my back in a soothing manner.  
  
"You ok? And I don't mean in the physical sense." Bucky said.  
  
I nodded, only then realising how safe I felt in his arms. Nat looked at us as she passed and gave me an all knowing look.  
  
  
After lunch, Bucky had fallen asleep again on the sofa. I pulled my self from where he had cocooned me in his arms and hobbled to the gym, opening the door to find, as normal...  
  
"Hey," Steve turned round as I entered, "does Buck know you're here?"  
  
"Nah, he's asleep on the sofa." I said.  
  
Steve nodded, before pulling my own gloves out from under the bench.  
  
"He'll freak if he wakes and you're not there." He reminded me.  
  
"I know, but you and I both know I need to do some exercise, even with a flare up," I sighed, pulling my gloves on, "and Bucky hates me doing practically anything that requires effort on a flare up day."  
  
"True," Steve said as he held the punching bag in place, "just don't over exert yourself."  
  
I nodded, beginning to punch, feeling my body protest in every way, but I knew it was going to pay off soon - I had to keep moving and exercising if I had any hope of being slightly stronger and healthier.  
  
About half an hour later of punching and other exercising, I collapsed back on the floor, breathing heavily.  
  
"You ok?" Steve asked, crouching next to me.

"Yeah..." I said, teeth clenched in pain.  
  
I tried to pick myself back up, but fell down on my knees, on all fours on the floor.

"Hey..."  
  
"I. Got. This." I growled, pushing myself back up.  
  
From somewhere in the tower, we both heard Bucky's yells.  
  
"Bollocks, he's woke up." I sighed.  
  
Footsteps rushing towards the room and the door flew up, Bucky there with worry etched all over his face.  
  
"There you are!" He exclaimed, running into the room.  
  
"Why does he always assume I snuck to here? He never checks anywhere else." I questioned as he reached us.  
  
"Cause I know you! You're over exerting yourself again, trying to live like it's a good day when you're having a bad one!" He said, resting his hands on my shoulders.  
  
"I need to exercise, Bucky, it's my only hope of being healthy again! I can't spend the rest of my life on medication and sat in my room, alone!"  
  
"What do you mean, alone?" He questioned.  
  
"Oh come on, lets be honest! Who wants to date the chronically sick girl?! Who in their right mind could ever find love in so much illness and be able to see past it to - mph!"  
  
Bucky had pulled me into a kiss, holding my face. It was only then, as my stomach grew a thousand butterflies, did I realise how much I was in love with him. How soft his lips were, how gentle yet strong his touch was. How much he did for me, how much he cared for me.   
  
I grasped the front of his shirt, feeling his hands leave my face, arms wrapping round me and holding me tight.  
  
He broke away for air and looked me in the face.  
  
"Never, ever, say that again." He whispered.  
  
"Wha-Bucky..."  
  
"I love you, sweetheart. God knows I should have said it sooner, but I love you baby girl, I love you, every part of you, even the meds and the illnesses, I love you. You are so perfect to me, and I love you so much..."  
  
"Oh gosh.... oh fucking hell, oh Bucky.... I, I love you too...."  
  
He pulled me back into a hug, holding me tight from the ground, and for once, glorious, rare, second, I felt the stress and pain leave, letting me focus fully on the man I loved.


End file.
